02 August 2005

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

Thanks to Julie and Phil for the following amusing advice!

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are--you only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
  • If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
  • If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

And remember:
  • Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  • Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
  • If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
  • And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fantastic sense of humor and a great worldview to make sense of this, er, human experiment we got loaded into.

Hello. My name is Erica and we are fellow members of PWLGC--Poets & Writers League of Greater Cleveland. Word gets around there slowly and posting is rather difficult so I thought this would be a great way to introduce mysef to you.

Your advice is light-hearted and great for the common stress. This stuff releives it and gives a much clearer view of how trivialities might get the best of us. Thank you for aharing and do find me on the net in my various hiding places, hopefully becoming more public as we speak.

sharing the light,
mserica
author/student/administrator of enlightenment resources

owner/co-creator of www.enlightenment-psych.net

Gillianne said...

If only my mother had taught me these home remedies, how my life might be different...

And you got a spam comment on your blog?! How does that work?

RML said...

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Ain't that true! My mother's family has made it into an art. Wherever they come to visit, the first thing they do is use the toilet. It doesn't matter whether they had to travel for 5 minutes or 5 hours; they just go to the toilet. We often joked about it but now that I have my own little girl I realise what good advice it is. Very difficult to handle a child when she needs to go to the toilet when there's none around. :)