24 June 2005

Karl Rove: Our Tax Dollars Wasted!

From Salon.com today!

Karl Rove: Your tax dollars at work

As you ruminate today over Karl Rove's slanderous comments in New York -- that liberals wanted to respond to 9/11 with "therapy and understanding," that the true "motives of liberals" is to put U.S. troops at risk -- you might want to remember this. Rove isn't just a political consultant anymore. He's a highly paid federal employee.

Rove collects $157,000 a year as a senior advisor to the president. That would be $157,000 of "your money," as George W. Bush would surely put it in any other context.

And if you're not happy that $157,000 a year of "your money" is going to a man that just slandered a broad swath of the American public, well, you're not alone. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, who not long ago found himself apologizing to Rove for calling Bush "a loser," has just turned the tables and called on Rove to apologize for or resign over his remarks. Here's Reid's statement:

"I am deeply disturbed and disappointed that the Bush White House would continue to use the national tragedy of September 11th to try and divide the country. The lesson our country learned on that terrible morning is that we are strongest when we unite together, that America’s power is in its common spirit of democracy and freedom.

"Karl Rove should immediately and fully apologize for his remarks or he should resign. The lesson of September 11th is not different for conservatives, liberals or moderates. It is equally shared and was repeatedly demonstrated in the weeks and months following this tragedy as Americans of all backgrounds and their elected representatives rallied behind the victims and their families, united in our common determination to bring to justice those responsible for these terrible attacks.

"It is time to stop using September 11th as a political wedge issue. Dividing our country for political gain is an insult to all Americans and to the common memory we all carry with us from that day. When it comes to standing up to terrorists, there are no Republicans or Democrats, only Americans. The Administration should be focused on uniting Americans behind our troops and providing them a strategy for success in the war on terror and the conflict in Iraq. I hope the president will join me in repudiating these remarks and urge Mr. Rove to take appropriate action to right this terrible wrong."

The response from the White House so far? Press Secretary Scott McClellan says that Rove was just "talking about the different philosophies and our different approaches when it comes to winning the war on terrorism."

-- Tim Grieve on Salon.com [14:00 EDT, June 23, 2005]

Read more from the Salon Archived War Room:
06/22/2005, 06/21/2005, 06/20/2005, 06/17/2005, 06/16/2005, 06/15/2005

12 June 2005

What Would Genghis Khan Do?

This is too funny. Now I want to make red and black beaded bracelets that say WWGKD for all my friends!

The New Motto: WWGKD?

by Jonathan Hall
I was driving on the freeway last Saturday night when I was abruptly cut off and nearly run off the road.

I began to think to myself, amid a variety of four letter words in my vocabulary, of a recourse in action. As I began to plot my revenge I realized something. People are heathens. Yes, we all claim to be innately good people, warmly supporting the constitution and care of others, but we all know that’s a lie. More importantly, how can I capitalize on this little known fact?

As the initials escaped my friend Judd’s mouth, I knew that this would in fact become the most successful product in history. WWGKD. As I returned to the scene in my head, picturing what I did do, and what I could have done, I began to smile. Not just a casual smile either, or one of those Cheshire cat grins. I’m talking about one of that Kool-Aid, you-know-what-eating grins. We all know what Jesus would do. Jesus would forgive him, bless him and let him go on his way. Jesus was a much bigger man than I am.

Since I am not fit to follow in his steps, I decided to follow the teachings of another great leader. And so I asked myself, what would Genghis Khan do? According to the historical readings I have so exhaustively researched, he would most likely follow him home screaming expletives in Mongolian, annihilate him and his entire family including the family pet, burn his crops, steal his livestock and set an example to the other drivers on the road. Then he would probably say something witty in Mongolian about the driver’s mother being overweight, frumpy and unappealing.

More importantly, I began thinking about how many people need a solid male figure in their lives. Who better than one of the most powerful and influential people in history. Who cares if he was a little bit over the top? It’s just details. But I digress.
I began to see how big of an impact WWGKD could be.

Just imagine all of the things that annoy important people like me. Jared from those Subway commercials. People who watch Fear Factor. Slow drivers in the fast lane. Slow walkers on the South Oval. Televangelists who make millions of dollars using the faces of Ethiopian children. People who shout out commands to the characters on the movie screen in the theater (“Say something!,” “Don't go in there!,” etc.). Anyone who likes William Shatner or Keanu Reaves. People who make quotation marks with their hands. Nosebreathers. Whoever decided Carrot Top was a good choice to put on their advertisements. People who dress in clothes rather inappropriate for their body type. People who ask stupid questions. Waking up with no pants on in the South Oval on a Tuesday afternoon wondering what happened the night before.

Maybe I’m sharing too much. Regardless, the list could go on and on, but I only get so much space. Most of these problems can be easily solved in the WWGKD process. I’m talking amazing results. Apparently there’s something refreshing and renewing about wielding a samurai sword and screaming angrily in Mongolian. I suggest you try it sometime.

If you can’t get Mongolian language lessons, then you’ll have to hold off until Friday, May 6. More to come on that in my next article. Stay tuned. You won’t want to miss this nationwide event.

—Jonathan Hall is a marketing junior. His column appears every other Friday. He can be reached at opinion@oudaily.com