What Crap I am Reading and Why I need to Write my own Books

It is November and that means NaNoWriMo! I have done this before, but never really stuck to it. This time I am working on a fantasy novel: young woman leaves a war torn land to go off in search of the man who is her father. Meets a dragon. Mayhem follows. (Bits will show up here.) 

Why do I want to write? I have these stories rolling around in my head. If I don't put them down on paper somewhere, they just keep me up at night. Also, I have read some crap books lately and I know I can do better. 

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So just yesterday I started and finished a book by Laurell K. Hamilton; her latest, Sucker Punch, is a bit of departure from her usual vampire f**k-fests. After the last few disasters I swore I would never read another Anita Blake novel, then the library went and offered this with no wait time and I thought: what the hell. The problem I have had with most recent Blake novels was the sheer volume of excessive and gratuitous sex, coupled with limited plots. While there were no real sex scenes in this one Just fondling and inappropriate PDA), there was a plot. At first it looked like a pretty good mystery, too. But it got buried under repetitious whingeing and way too much discussion of everyone's sexual wants and needs. It is like Hamilton went through sex and relationship therapy herself and wanted to talk it all out in this book.

The Olaf/Otto character is just plain stupid. "Hi, I'm a psychopath who usually tortures women before sex, but for you, Anita, I will be a good boy. Let's give each other pet names." Laurell, honey, you can't spend all your time making him out to be a horror show creep in the other books to suddenly make him dating material in this one!

Then there are the cops who are overtly stereotyped. Fat dumb belligerent sheriff, crooked pretty boy murderous deputy, horny lesbian female cop. They get in their own way more than not. There was a start to a decent mystery here, but even in bum-f**k rural Michigan I can't buy it that the cops are this blind and stupid.

I think the Anita character description is pure personal wish fulfillment on the part of the author. But it doesn't hold up. If she is still 30 something and so sexy, so very beautiful, and so very very well trained, why does she have to keep reminding the audience how awesome she is? About 40% of this novel is Anita's angst juxtaposed with her smarmy over confidence. And about one quarter of the way through the book I was already bored with the constant explanations and descriptions of the who's-who of Anita's polyamory chain. This book spent more time telling us about Anita's "awesomeness" than actually demonstrating any of it. She doesn't solve the mystery even with multiple suspects right under her nose. Then she ends up killing the guy who was framed for the murder! And now she's lining up to have sex with the constantly returning serial killer!

But you know what bothered me the most? Anita can raise the dead! Why did she not just raise the body in the morgue and ask him who sliced him up???

I don't know that I would have read this one if my library hadn't shoved it in my face. I know I won't look for any more of them. Sad. I used to look forward to Hamilton's work. 

My Task List and why I haven't written more, but need to!

 It has been four years since I posted here. In that time I:

• traveled to France, twice, 
• almost finished a master's degree in history (my fifth degree and my third master's degree) 
• had my number of grandkids increase to 7 (three in Ohio, two in Arizona, and two in Australia!)
• written twelve academic papers
• written fewer poems (only 10), but started one novel (fantasy)
• did a lot of gardening
• put on weight
• acquired some wrinkles
• retired from teaching
• dyed my hair red
• and lived (so far) through a pandemic.

My summer has consisted of sitting on my porch reading, enjoying my gardens, and drinking coffee (in the morning) or wine (afternoon to evening). I think it is now time for me to get back to more creative writing. I have one Tumblr, three Twitter feeds, and two Facebook accounts; all of which have seen more writing from me than my academic or creative work. I have seven blogs: one personal, two professional, three themed: none of which has received much attention of late. 

Ironic that with all the at home time from the pandemic I have not done very much this year, besides gardening and reading books. Year to date I have read 146 books. Everything from ancient Greek literature to Regency murder mysteries to vampire romances. I can lose myself for hours in a good book. 

So here is my challenge to myself and my to do list for fall and winter: 

1. Get rid of all the old paperwork: from classes, old handouts, exams, and household account stuff over 3 years old. Consolidate and eliminate some filing cabinets!
2. Clean out the closets. If I haven't worn it in the last 3 years, it needs to go. 
3. Clean out the kitchen cupboards. Why do I need 3 full sets of dinnerware and 2 full sets of silverware? 
4. Start either selling books on Amazon, or give them to good homes. I am doing most if not all my reading on my Kindle. The only books I need in print are my reference or favorite ones. 
5. Turn the 3rd floor library into a functional office. 
6. Get the basement shower room fixed and functional again. 
7. Get a plasterer in to fix the walls in the kitchen, upstairs bathroom, and staircase. (Oh, the joys of having a 100+ year old house!)
8. Exercise more: Take a yoga class, walk 15 minutes per day!

I think that is it. Stay tuned for results.

Hello 2015!

Here we are facing another year! As years go, 2014 kinda sucked. Too much chaos in my work situation. Too many complications in relationships. Too much left undone. But now in thinking about 2015, I think it can only go up from here. Amazing how each new year brings with it the idea of a clean slate and a chance to start fresh.

I always say I am not going to make resolutions and then each year I feel guilty for that. Not this year. This year I am making resolutions... but I refuse right now, up front, to feel any guilt if people or events or things don't turn out as I hope they will! I will take this year one day at a time. This year I will be me... just me. Take me or leave me, I don't need to live up to anyone else's expectations, just my own.

So here they are, My Resolutions, fifteen of them for the year--not in any particular order:

1. I will write one poem per week. More if I am so inspired. And I will send them out to be published weekly, too.
2. I will finish the second manuscript. 
3. I will lose 20 pounds. Seriously! I will visit the gym more!
4. I will Detox on occasion and eat healthier and mindfully.
5. I will clean my house better. At least one room per week; a very thorough cleaning.
6. I will paint two (maybe three) bedrooms upstairs and finish the copper work in the kitchen. 
7. I will get rid of clutter by selling off or giving away collectables and books I don't need. 
8. I will read at least 200 books.
9. I will spend (at least) one evening a week with my partner, having some quality time. 
10. I will do one cultural thing a month (museum, concert, galley opening).
11. I will do (or try to limit myself to) one alternate fun event a month (SCA, Steampunk, cosplay). 
12. I will finally get back to writing on the novel.
13. I will finish my freelance assignments before deadline!
14. I will blog more this year!
15. Last but hardly least, I will not worry about things I cannot control....

As I have been writing this, my 5 year old granddaughter has been dancing around the room singing the "Let it Go" song from Frozen, and I think this just might be my theme song for the coming year...


This will be a good year. I won't have it any other way! You have a good year, too!

Crazy Horse Cross-off Contest

The Crazyhorse Cross-Off Contest

Win a free subscription to Crazyhorse by trying this cross-off writing exercise: Take the below paragraph of writing as your start. From it, cross off or delete words, crafting the remaining words into either a poem or a very short story of no more than 40 words. If you love an extra challenge, retain the original paragraph's word order as the word order of your own poem or story; otherwise, feel free to re-arrange the 40 or fewer words as you wish.

E-mail your entry of no more than 40 words to crazyhorse@cofc.edu

The ten winning entries will receive a free one-year subscription to Crazyhorse.

Deadline to enter is next Thursday, April 7, by 5 p.m.

Here is the paragraph to start with, from Andrew Sean Greer's fantastic essay "Gentlemen, Start Your Engines" (originally published in San Francisco Panorama and reprinted in The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2010) about camping at a NASCAR race for the first time:

"I want to make it clear that I have been camping before, and I'm not just talking about Burning Man. I'm trying to say that I've lived in Montana and backpacked for hours into the wilderness, just me and a friend, where we set up our camp beside a little-known hot spring, and while my friend napped I got in au naturel and was promptly joined by an enormous female moose. There we sat, me and the moose, enjoying the steaming water, looking out blissfully at the sunset together like a honeymooning couple, while I summoned the courage to call in a wee voice: "Help me!" If I had been wearing pants I would have peed them. But I survived my wildlife encounter, and made a fire, and bear-proofed our foodstuffs, and did all the things one does when one is camping. This is not a story of gay San Franciscans setting up a Moroccan hideaway among all the army-surplus tents, complete with mirrored pillows and a Porta-John covered in veils. I am proud to say it is quite the opposite."

Time to Write?

You know that saying about how you have to make time to have time? Whoever said was full of s***. Whoever said that never had jobs like mine. I do 20 hours a week program administrative stuff that often turns into more hours and even weekend hours. Four classes a semester that have three different preps. Not that I am bitching (well, okay I am whining a bit), because I do love my work. I really do. I have a great Program Director for the NEOMFA, and I like the classes I teach: non-western literature, Chinese history, and this last semester a new one "Humanities in the Western Tradition" (think history of the western world from ancient Mesopotamia to Renaissance Europe).

But between herding the MFA cats (and I am not just talking students here), and lecture prep, and grading. I have not written anything worthwhile since July. Random snippets of poems, nothing solid. Sometimes when I haven't been writing in a while it feels like the words just go round and round in my head until it wants to explode. It helps to have friends an family to talk to about the ideas you have, but sooner or later you have to put them down on paper. Writing is how I process things. It's cathartic. The only other thing that works that way for me is reading.

Happily I just spent my last week of Winter Break reading a huge stack of books. You want to know what you should check my list on Good Reads. The only writing I will be doing soon is my syllabi for the Spring semester. Oh, for Spring Break and the next stack of books.

Things you think about when you can't sleep

It's 4 am on a Sunday morning when I could be asleep, but since I am not... Funny how the brain works. I wake up a lot in the early morning hours, 3am, 4am; then I just lay there in bed thinking. I used to get up and write (poetry, stories, blog posts), but I haven't been writing much at all since early last summer. Not that I don't have anything to write about. In fact the opposite is more true. I have far too much to write about... so much in my head I just don't really know where to begin and (this may sound odd) on top of that I don't know anymore who I am writing for.

One of my fiction writer friends says she writes because she has to. If she didn't the words, the ideas, would just keep rolling around in her brain and drive her crazy. I can understand that. Sometimes I wish my brain had a switch--on, off, clear cache... reboot.

Somehow, though, for me writing has to have an audience. And therein lies the rub. If I write about most of the stuff in my head anywhere I send it, post it, or share it, it is bound to offend someone. The thing about stories is that they want to be told. They don't want to sit in notebooks or lie about in drawers. So I feel compelled to publish, to share. My biggest problem is I am not good at audience. Although half my audience is generally chuckling and enjoying the story immensely, the other half is invariably bored, or worse: pissed off.

One of the first poems I ever published was about my grandmothers, my mother, and my daughters. I was looking at how women carry on through generations. My mother's only comment was about the stanzas she was in, and what she said to me was: "That's a lie, it didn't happen that way."

What I had been telling was her story as I had heard it, from her, from my dad, from others. Filtered through my writer's sensibilities and my (imperfect? biased?) observations of her as her daughter. What she saw in herself was so different that she was angry at my less than flattering portrait. But the woman she saw herself as could be seen only through her filters. Two different stories. Both accurate if disparate views. My story was about an ordinary woman with with extraordinary desires leading an ordinary life. The problem is no one wants to be seen as ordinary. Not really. Certainly not my mother, who spent most of my childhood telling us how happy we were and how lucky we were to be us--this ideal suburban family. What I still see looking back is a husband who got drunk, ran around looking to other women for affection he didn't get at home, because he never made enough money to support five kids or to satisfy a woman who had her dreams of movie-stardom thwarted by the realities of motherhood and the embarrassment of dependence on her own mother for handouts and hand-me-downs. When I tell the story my way I upset my family. When I tell the story the wasy they want it to be seen, it's not as good a story.

In some ways there are beautiful stories in there, in my head. The problem is my characters don't ever look heroic when seen by those who inspired them. Especially when inspired by people I care about most.

Right now I have the urge to write about my daughters. But I know if I do I will anger at least one of them, confuse one of them, and amused the third. Do I dare that chance that they will or will not see my fiction for fiction?

I Can Haz Dragon

So it’s 3-something in the morning and I can’t sleep and after wandering aimlessly around the internet my Google feed reader points me to SFFN and The Dragon Diaries: Part the Third. Now I am ROTFLMAO and know that, with visions of dragon happy-meals dancing through my head, I likely won’t sleep anymore tonight. (Have you ever tasted a mime? Not funny. Did you know that if you eat a unicorn you could get sparkly rainbow indigestion and glitter farts? How do you shuck a knight anyway?)

The Dragon Diaries is a whim of author Kelly McCullough who, in delightful twitter-sized tidbits gives us a peek into the mind of an adolescent dragon (a la cheezburger).

You will discover the life of a dragon is sometimes fun: Met a knight-at-arms, alone and palely loitering. Ated him. Ated pretty lady he kept whining about too. Hard and cold on the outside, but soft and warm on the inside. Yummy! Thinking of lounging on my hoard today. Dragons are supposed to do that sometimes, aren’t they? And Nap + Sparklys = Win!

And sometimes difficult: Saw the pointy-face horse again today. Still looks delicious. Want! Maybe cat is wrong about obsession being unhealthy… Just realized that pointy-face horse is kind of Sparkly… Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Sadness. Sticking fake horn on normal horse doesn’t make it sparkly. Doesn’t improve flavor either. Ated horse anyway.

Then there is the ubiquitous dragon wisdom: Am entertaining job offer from Fafnir, Fafnir, Tiamat & Lung, dragons at law. They tell me it’s mostly just about ateding opposing counsel. Mmmm, lawyers.

And the ever so much more accurate cat wisdom: Cat talked me out of ateding polling station, says ateding should be reserved for actual polti… polict… polst… elected people.

I now have visions of the dragon being let lose in Washington, DC. I have a little list I want to share with the dragon. And I am reevaluating the advice my cats give me. Think I'll go find some sparklys for my pillow now and see if I sleep better, maybe dream of dragons. Thanks, Kelly.

Kelly sez: For an explanation of how this got started, the original Dragon Diaries SFN post is here. The second DD post is here. To find out where it goes, you can watch the experiment continue on twitterand facebook for however long it continues.

Twitter Stats

The internet constantly amazes me. I have been Twittering for a while now. It links to my Facebook page and updates my status. I find people I haven't seen in ages and get back in touch. I follow my favorite writers and talk to them. And I see who follows me and reads what I write with Google Analytics. Now a very nice fellow, Damon Cortesi, has put up pages where you can track the stats (gratis even, though if you can throw money his way that would be nice too!) on your twitterings. These are my stats.

And here is my Tweet cloud--everyone I talk to and everything I talk about:

akron @amandapalmer amen angel available bancroft @barackobama birthdayblackberry blog blogger book budget cable car @cbarzak cbs china chinese class classic @colinmeloy comecomputers contemporary coraline costume crackberry cup @danchaon date day december desktop did didnt digitaldiscovered disney @dkjpusa dollhouse driving edu eggs facebook fans fb featured feeling fend finding flu fm fungoing good google @hadesarrow halloween haroun hes issue join @joshwhedon kelly king knock know kokosleave let lets life lit little @lkhamilton long look loop lots love m74kpv make meetings mercedes mixed monkeymorning need needed neil @neilhimself new news nose @nytimes office oh ohio oplin org pakistaniaatpics procrastinating psychic ramadan read reading really reimbursed rest @robertleebrewer rt sad say schedule@shannon_anicas shout sigh signing sista smart springboard start status story students sunday tales thats thinkthinking thought today touch transformed_ tweetstats twitter twittering uakron uber unfollowing university viigovirtualit want way week weekend weekends went @whedonfannews woman women work www yeah yes yr

Cool, No? I love technology.