As the rabid-feminist-liberal-bitch and black sheep of my hard-line-conservative-homophobic-racist family, I strongly identified with this post on Salon.com from a few days ago. Tomorrow my Republican dad will be 85. And I dread even the requisite "happy birthday" phone call where he always asks if I am still a "dirty democrat." Sigh . . .

How can I love my Republican parents?
The people who gave birth to me support George Bush. How can that be?
By Cary Tennis

Aug. 24, 2007 Dear Cary,
How can I love my parents when they are supporters of the most corrupt, willfully ignorant, deceitful, lying administration in our nation's history?

If we were not related by blood, I would have nothing to do with these people. The Bush presidency has ruined our reputation in the world, destroyed many of our civil liberties and increased the divide between the rich and the poor. Plus they think torture is just dandy!
I don't have any Republican friends. I don't like to talk to Republicans mostly. I find them ignorant of other cultures, and smug--feeling that our country is the best in the world--period.

I lived in a foreign country for several years and have traveled to several others. I find many things good about America but I think there are many things to be improved. When I visit my parents, politics is generally off the table for discussion. Occasionally it will come up with tense, sometimes angry results. They have no idea of my political thoughts and don't want to hear them. On the whole my relationship with them is better than many I've seen. We're not estranged, they didn't abuse me, but I don't really like them. I simply shut up and endure the visit.

I live on the East Coast, they live in the Southwest. I know I should love them. They supported me, helped me through college and such. But we have nothing in common and I dread seeing them. They embarrass me sometimes. Why should I spend time with people I don't like and resent for helping to lead my country in the wrong direction? Will I ever enjoy spending time with them again? It doesn't feel like it's possible. They say that you miss your parents when they're gone, no matter what your relationship was like. That might be true but I don't miss them now when they live 2,500 miles away. Can I change my attitude? I doubt it. Maybe you can shed some light.

A Bad Son

Dear Bad Son,
So you have nothing in common with your parents, you dread seeing them, you are embarrassed by them, don't see why you should spend time with them and doubt that you ever will enjoy spending time with them.

Awesome!

You ask if you can change your attitude. I think you probably can.

Here is an idea for an exercise, or thought experiment, that you might try. I thought this all up on my own. It's premised on the assumption that even though you have had very different experiences, you have the same brand of processor. So though your experiences have been very different, you process experience and arrive at conclusions in similar ways. Knowing this, it should be possible for you to imagine the experiences that have made your father who he is. So ask yourself, what would it take to make my dad into a Republican?

Pretend you are your father. Explain how you got to be the way you are. Not why you think George Bush is a good man, but why you are who you are, why you identify with George Bush and the Republican Party, what it feels like to you, what you get out of it. What experiences did you have that led you to this point in life? Now, your dad has probably told you stories about his early life and struggles. You grew up with him. You know where he worked and what his attitudes toward life were. So talk for him, in his voice. Tell the story. Try to get his voice, his facial expressions. That's right, mimic your father. Try to get his posture, the way he walks, the way he stands.

Then ask yourself, what does it feel like to your dad? In particular, what does it feel like to him to be a Republican? Like, what is his face doing when he says he is a Republican? How is he standing? Is he apologetic? Is he proud? Is he grandstanding?

If it was an emotion, or a gesture, what would his Republicanism be? Would it be a sad, mournful tune? Would it be a rebel yell?

What needs does his Republicanism meet in his own life? Does it meet his need for affiliation? (That is, are his friends also Republican? Does he get together with Republicans and have a good time? Does he identify with and emulate prominent Republicans?) Is it functional? (That is, if he is a corporate man, it may be that Republicans treat his business better than Democrats do, giving his business a better regulatory environment and better taxes, and it may be that his personal financial situation does better in a Republican environment.) Are there historical reasons for his Republicanism? (Were his parents Republicans? Has he been a Republican for a long time?)

So get a feeling for what this is all about with your dad. Do the same thing with your mom. Think about her story. Get inside her head. What has her life been like that she would find comfort and meaning in the Republican Party? Mimic her face, her gestures. Try to feel what she feels.

As you do this, consider your own political beliefs, and what they feel like, and how they fit into your social world. You say you have no Republican friends. So does that mean that you feel particularly strongly about agreement as a component of friendship? Do you have any friends you like just because they are funny, or because you have been through things together and you admire how they handled certain tough situations? If not, I might suggest that you and your father are alike in this way: That you are both a little narrow in your choice of friends. If he is narrow and you are narrow, then it is not likely for there to be much common ground. But you would have common ground in the style and manner in which you have processed your experiences: Your experiences have led you to affiliate almost exclusively with non-Republicans; his experience has been different, and yet he has processed it in the same way, and reached the same conclusion: stay away from anybody who does not agree with him.

Now, your attitude about all this will not change overnight. You are in a state of anger toward your parents. There may be reasons for that aside from their political affiliations. That is OK. It is possible to love people and also be angry at them. It is possible to love people and disapprove of the way they run their lives. We are talking about filial love here.
You know, this just occurred to me: the connection between "affiliation" and "filial." Sure enough, when I look it up in the Online Etymological Dictionary, I see that the two words have a common Latin root. "Filius," as I recall from high school Latin, means "son." And, as the dictionary points out, "affiliation" comes from the Latin "affiliare" -- to adopt a son. So this need for affiliation has some kind of familial echo: We seek affiliation as we seek family. So, not to psychoanalyze you, but the way you and your father seek different political affiliations may have some deep resonance with other family conflicts or differences. You have "adopted" different beliefs. You may even feel some kind or primal dissatisfaction with the fact that your father has "adopted" beliefs inimical to your own, as if he had, by doing so, given you an obnoxious, competing sibling. I know that's stretching it, but then, it only gets really interesting when we stretch it a little!

So how can you love a Republican? You can love a Republican because family love is an unbreakable connection. It isn't an idea. Love is not approval or agreement. It's a bond. So when you ask why you should spend time with them, remember this: There is such a thing as enduring bonds of blood. These people gave you life. Your mom gave birth to you. We humans feel deeply connected with those who bore us.

(Oh, that's a good pun, isn't it?)

Chai Crème Brulee

So on Friday I took a friend who was having a Birthday out to Crave, a local gourmet restaurant in Akron. He had the "Grilled Black Angus Cheeseburger with Thick Cut Onion Rings, Roasted Garlic & Parsley Aioli on a Knotted Sesame Bun," I had the "Espresso Braised BBQ Pulled Pork, with Port Salut, Creamy Caramelized Red Onion & Pineapple Slaw on a Pretzel Bun." We shared an order of "Thick Cut Rosemary and Garlic Sea Salt Fries."

But best of all was the dessert, a Chai Crème Brulee smothered in blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries and given a splash of Chai liqueur. I found, for those of you who might want to try this at home, a recipe (below) for this dish. Enjoy!


Chai Crème Brulee, Recipe courtesy Raji Jallepalli, Food Network
Show: Cooking Live
Episode: Best of the British Isles: Indian Cuisine

1 cup Darjeeling tea leaves
12 extra large egg yolks, beaten 1 cup brown sugar 4 cups heavy cream 1 tablespoon chai spice powder 1 cup light brown sugar
Chai Spice Powder: 1 teaspoon Cardamom 1 stick Cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon black pepper corns 1/4 teaspoon whole cloves

Steep 1 cup Darjeeling tea leaves in 4 cups boiling water for 7 minutes. Strain tea leaves and reduce to 3/4 cup. Grind spice to powder. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. In a large heat-proof mixing bowl, whisk together the egg yolks and sugar. Place the cream in a heavy bottomed saucepan over medium heat. Warm just until bubbles form around the edge. Remove from heat and, whisking constantly, pour into the egg and sugar mixture. Add the spice powder and the reduced tea liquid. Continue whisking until the sugar has dissolved and the mixture is well combined. Pour the mixture through a very fine sieve into 6 creme brulee dishes, filling them only half full. Place the dishes into a shallow baking dish large to hold them without crowding. Place the dish on the middle rack oven. Working quickly to preserve the heat, finish filling the dishes with the custard mixture, making sure that it comes right to the top of each dish. Then carefully fill the baking dish with very hot tap water so it comes halfway up the sides of the filled dishes. Bake for about 25 minutes, or until the custard is set in the center. Remove the custards to a wire rack to cool. Refrigerate for at least 3 hours, or until ready to use. When ready to serve, preheat the broiler. Pass the brown sugar through a fine sieve to eliminate all lumps. Generously sprinkle the top of each chilled custard with an equal portion of the brown sugar, taking care to cover all of the custard, so that it gives an even finish. Place the chilled creme brulee dishes under the preheated broiler and broil for about 2 minutes, or until the tops are crackling brown. Remove from the broiler and serve immediately.

The IT Department for Scribes

This is just too adorable. For all you Luddites who've struggled with technology, think about the shift from scroll to codex!

why I haven't blogged in ages . . .

So life is crazy. I'm teaching 10 load hours per week at one University, working as an administrative assistant 20 hours per week at a 2nd , taking 2 grad classes toward an MFA (do I really need a fourth degree?), maintaining webpages for 2 departments, for the NEOMFA, as well as trying to keep up with my own personal and class pages (Liam, honey, I'm so sory I haven't updated your pages!), and through all that I'm trying to stay on top of my own poetry and writing. Got papers to grade and papers to write, and all I want to do is curl up with a good Terry Pratchett disc world novel.

Sigh. Time to go find something useful to do.

BTW: see my recent poem in Poetry Midwest online. Also got an article on Beomeosa coming out in the Vindicator next week.

Why I'm going to vote for Russ Feingold if I get a chance

The following was passed on to me by my friend and colleague, Jinny. Makes a great case for teaching students to use critical thinking skills and to recognize fallacies in an argument....

REPUBLICAN PROPAGANDA

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can be trusted to make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host or Newt Gingrich. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

The 10 Commandments of Coyote

For those of you who don't know Coyote, He is the native American version of Loki--a trickster deity enjoys life to the fullest. (You want to know more about Coyote read the novels of Charles De Lint, seriously.) In the meantime, however, you should also check out Cadhla's LiveJournal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/cadhla.

What follows is Cadhla's verion of Coyote"s 10 commandments. I gotta say: Well done!
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Why Coyote Doesn't Give Commandments.
@ Seanan (cadhla) 2005-08-30

A friend of mine was talking the other day about God talking to Moses on the mountain, and handing down the commandments, and everything.

Which led to the point that my patron deity doesn't really do commandments. "Well, why not?" was asked.

"Um. Can you see Coyote giving commandments?" I replied.

...but of course, the damage was done, and I had to think about this now. Because that would be the way that my brain works, whether I want it to or not. Stupid brain. And now, after several days of thinking about it, I give you...

The Commandments of Coyote.

I. Thou Shalt Have As Many Gods and Spirits and Personal Trainers and Gurus As You Like Before Me, But You Shalt Not Let Them Block the Exits, and More, You Shall Not Permit Them To Take the Last Beer, For That Beer Is Mine. Seriously. Don't.

II. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Wife, But Thou Art Totally Welcome To Admire Her Ass When She Walks By, and If It Happens To Come Out That They Are In An Open Relationship, Dude, Tap That Ass As Much As They Are Willing To Allow. Same Goes For the Ladies. Coveting Is Sort Of Stupid, But Sex Is Just Plain Fun, Unless Thou Art Doing It Entirely Wrong.

III. If Thy Neighbor Says 'Hands Off My Wife, Dude', Thou Shalt Listen and Back Off, Because Otherwise, Thy Neighbor Will Be Totally Justified In Hitting You About the Head and Shoulders With Gardening Tools, and Don't Think That I'm Going To Step In There and Stop Him.

IV. Adultery Is Actually Pretty Fun. Commit It All You Like. Just Make Sure Everyone Is Cool With It, Or I Will Not Help You Out Once the Hitting Gets Started.

V. Thou Shalt Not Eat Poisoned Bait. If You Do, Don't Come Whining To Me About It, Because I Am Very Unlikely To Care. Once It Is In Your Mouth, It Is Your Problem, Not Mine.

VI. Of Course Thou Shalt Kill. Carnivores Do That. Also, Swatt ing Mosquitoes, Sort Of Instinctive. But All Creatures Are Alive Before You Kill Them, and So Thou Shalt Respect Them In Their Lives and In Their Deaths. Thou Shalt Not Kill Without Reason. Thy Neighbor Tapping Thy Wife's Ass? Is Not A Reason. Don't Make Me Set A Plague Upon Thy Ass. Thou Wouldst Not Enjoy It, I Promise.

VII. Thou Shalt Not Hoard. Seriously, Here. If You Have Enough, Share. Only Asshats Bogart Life.

VIII. Thou Shalt Not Be A Martyr. If You Have One Beer, Drink It. Do Not Give It To Me and Then Expect Adoration. Dude, That Was Your Beer, I Did Not Break Your Arm To Get It. Give What You Can Give, and Expect Neither Praise Nor Worship. You Are Not Being Morally Superior, You Are Being A Decent Human Being. There Is A Difference.

VIV. Assume This Is It. Maybe There Is Reincarnation; Maybe Not. Not Only Am I Not Saying, Please Consider the Fact That I Probably Get A Say In Whether You Come Back, and If You Are the Sort Of Person Who Doesn't Do Anything With One Life, Why Should I Waste My Time Giving You Another One? Live Like You Get No Second Chances. You Will Have More Fun.

X. Are You Going To Eat That?
=====================================================
@ Seanan (cadhla)
2005-08-30
cadhla's LiveJournal:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/cadhla/827233.html
(A Free-Linking Zone, by her own words)
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The speech the president will not give

Last night we all heard the speech the President gave. He looked good--stood in front of a statue of Andrew Jackson (a president reknown for an heroic rescue of New Orleans during a time of crisis) in the historic French Quarter. He told us many hopeful things about how he would help the poor citizens of the region rebuilt and regroup after the hurricane. What he didn't tell us is how he 'd pay for all that rebuilding. So pardon me, Mr. President, if I doubt your credibility, doubt whether you rich friends will be asked to give up their tax cuts, doubt whether you really feel for those on the lower end of the social ladder one tenth as much as you care for the fantastic new porch Trent Lott is going to get. Old Hickory won't bolster that sagging image of yours, G. W.. It is far too little, and way too late. Now had you given us a different speech we might believe. . . .

From Salon.com: The speech the president will not give

We don't know whether Karl Rove has had enough time to focus on the president's prime-time speech from Louisiana tonight. Rove must be awfully busy with his new job -- we're not making this up -- leading the White House's post-Katrina reconstruction efforts.

But George W. Bush can rest easily this afternoon, even if many of his fellow citizens can't. Americans have always been eager to help their president in times of need. And when we asked you earlier today to offer advice for Bush about what he might say tonight, you responded in a way that reminded us of all that is good in this great nation. The president says he's ready to "take responsibility" for whatever the federal government did wrong in the wake of Katrina, and you've come through a veritable flood of ideas about where he could begin.

Here's the speech that War Room readers might write. Douglas O'Morain of Austin, Tex., gets us started, and then a list of would-be presidential advisors too long to mention fills in the blanks and connects the dots from there.

"My fellow Americans, while many people were at fault for our country's poor response to Hurricane Katrina, I am the president, and the buck stops with me. In addition to being the commander in chief, I believe that the president has a moral obligation to protect the people to the best of his ability. And in this case, I did not perform for you as I did on September the 11th, 2001. While I believe that there are many reasons behind the debacle in New Orleans and elsewhere in the wake of the hurricane, I accept full responsibility for the failures of the federal government. I will not shirk from blame; I will not pass the buck.

"I take responsibility for not having shown concern about the people or the situation in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast until it became clear that it was a public relations disaster for my administration. I take responsibility for the fact that Katrina will go down as one of the 10 deadliest natural disasters in our nation's history -- and that the other nine all happened before helicopters were widely available for rescue missions.

"I take responsibility for packing FEMA, a federal agency America depends on in national emergencies, with political hacks with no real qualifications for doing life-and-death jobs. I take responsibility for not making geography skills a priority for FEMA. I take responsibility for the fact that, while fires blazed out of control in New Orleans, 600 firefighters were stuck in a FEMA seminar on customer service in Atlanta. I take responsibility for telling Brownie that he was 'doing a heck of a job,' when, in fact, he sucked.

"I take responsibility for not asking Dick Cheney to end his vacation sooner; for not asking Condoleezza Rice to end her shopping spree in New York sooner; for not asking Donald Rumsfeld to cut short his trip to the ballgame and mobilize soldiers for the relief effort. I take responsibility for sending large numbers of National Guard members from Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama and Florida to Iraq, making it impossible for them to act quickly to aid and the protect their homeland.

"I take responsibility for allowing one of my senior administration officials to insinuate that that I ignored the delay in the deployment of federal troops because I didn't want to seem like I was bullying some chick governor.

"I take responsibility for allowing the nation's poverty rate to rise four years in a row. I take responsibility for the fiscal policies and war plans that have left our country unable to perform its primary duty of protecting its citizens without going into further debt. I take responsibility for failing to give the Army Corps of Engineers' adequate funds to build and fortify levees in New Orleans. I take responsibility for consistently burying scientific evidence about global warming and other issues and paying people to re-word scientific reports so that they line up with my way of thinking.

"I take responsibility for pretending to play guitar in California while New Orleans was flooding.

"I take responsibility for saying, 'I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees,' when practically anyone who lived in New Orleans for the past 100 years could have anticipated it. I take responsibility for countless phony uses of the word 'folks' instead of 'people' to convince as many knuckle-draggers as possible that despite my massive wealth, Yale education and privilege I am really just as dumb and illiterate as they are.

"I take responsibility for the suffering that will follow from my decision -- between photo-op hops to the safest sites within the battered Gulf Coast -- to suspend the Davis-Bacon Act protections for laborers working to rebuild the Gulf Coast and New Orleans. I take responsibility for issuing 'no-bid', 'cost-plus' contracts to those helping to re-build hurricane damaged areas, so my close personal friends and cronies can make millions taking advantage of the worst natural disaster in America's history -- just like they did in Iraq. I take responsibility for trying to further my political goals of allowing private/religious school vouchers, smashing unions, weakening environmental regulations and giving Halliburton a blank check during this time of great crisis.

"I take responsibility for having failed to say 'I take responsibility' for anything until it was politically expedient to do so. I take responsibility for being such an aggrogant, cranky, vindictive twit that my loyal aides have to draw straws to see which unlucky one has to bring me a reality check. I take responsibility for putting myself in the position of being elected to the most powerful position in the world knowing full well that I have neither the experience, imagination nor human compassion that are prerequisites for the job."

"May God bless the good folks in this part of the world. And may God continue to bless the United States of America."

--by Tim Grieve for the War Room, Salon.com